14 July 2009

Spinning my wheels

This is not the easiest post for me to write. It means I need to be honest to you about myself - honest about my faults.

With less than two months before Mr. Bear Cub and I are back in Portland, I feel like I don't know what to do. Oh yes, I know there are tasks that need to be taken care of - check up on the finalization of the invites, write our ceremony, learn our dance, pick some more key songs, do something substantial about the tables, pin down the menu... It just doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere with anything. As much as I try to fight it, I have one incredibly awful quality to my character. I crumble under stress.

It's worse when the list of to-dos is longer. I physically can't function with the thought of an insurmountable task list. And if I don't know how to do some of the things on the list? (um, hello, white vs ivory??) My motor skills begin to shut down. The only way I've found to "reboot" from this mess is to take a nap. Everything's always better when you have a new day to attack things, right? I'm well aware that this is not a productive way to deal with my stress. It's just a band-aid, and it's not helping me take care of wedding tasks.

The killer in this vicious cycle is I don't actually know what I can cross off the list at this point. The upshot to my counter-productive stress management is that when I break inertia - when I force myself to finish things on my to-do list - I turn into a steamroller of productivity.

So, believe me, I would love to screw inertia right now. Unfortunately, it feels like all my wedding plans are still theoretical. Even if I "decide" on something for the wedding, it's just an email drop in the bucket. All my "plans" feel like a nebulous cloud of dancing wedding-plum fairies. Mean wedding-plum fairies that are spitting stale fondant turds at me. Maybe this is a result of planning (what actually is) a destination wedding?

All of this theoretical planning is making the wedding planning process very tedious, and very unfun. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels here! Ninety percent of my wedding tasks involve sending emails, so I never see the fruit of my labor. And without actually seeing any progress, without the wedding plans being real and tactile, it feels like items on our to-do list are never going to disappear. That's my largest source of stress right now, and I don't like it. My afternoon "reboot" nap is a daily temptation.

Am I crazy to plan my US wedding from South America? Sometimes I daydream about putting the wedding off for a few years, and hosting it at our future home in Oregon. (A wedding at home! How wonderful! :) )

How are you dealing with the stress of planning your wedding? Was the planning process still fun a few months before the wedding? Destination brides, what's your technique for finishing your wedding tasks? What should I be doing at 2 months??


  1. Oh man. I went through this exact same thing. I met a wedding buddy (through the Bee!) to share the majority of things with (absolutely AMAZING!) But that meant that since her wedding was first all the things we bought went straight to her place. I saw the money leaving my account but didn't have anything to show for it. I stalled out BAD.

    It all turns around though. Just this weekend I swung in and picked everything up. And Ho.ly. crap. there's a lot of it! I have a Honda C-RV so there's quite a bit of cargo room and we PACKED it. I can't wait to pull everything out and actually start seeing everything come together! I'm hoping that I also steamroll away. At 2 months out as of last weekend I really need to! So hang in there and take a break from wedding stuff if you need to. It'll still be there when you come back and you'll feel much better for it.

  2. I just found your blog through a comment you left on offbeatbride. I am also planning my wedding for NEXT September (2010) at Camp Westwind. Am very curious to hear how yours goes - I know it will be amazing, all stress aside. I went to a wedding there a few years ago and it was so simple and so incredible. But it does seem a bit logistical! Have you seen this Westwind wedding website: http://www.shinodabrice.com - could help with planning and logistics. Suerte!

  3. Melinda - thanks so much for the link!!
    I just wrote a post about past weddings at westwind, so you can check that out if you like, too!
    Everything with westwind is a bit logistical. I think it's really for the bride that doesn't care too much about the details. Personally, I'm fine if things don't go "perfectly".
    If you have any pictures of the wedding you went to, I'd love to see them!
    you can email me directly at awidhalm at gmail dot com
    If you don't already know about it, you should check out weddingbee.com - it's been my best help in the planning process!

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