The Engagement-moon - Part 2

Part 1

The few months before we were “officially” engaged were torture! At this time (late February, 2008), my mom and dad, and his mom, dad and step-mom were the only people we had told of our intentions to seal the deal. They were instructed to keep their lips sealed tight.

We saw one potentially MAJOR issue to the wedding – when?? Mr. Bear Cub accepted the position in Chile with a start date of Oct 1, 2008. I was in the application process for a job nearby in Chile, but I had no idea if they would select me (this was the first “career” job I’d ever applied for!). If I was going to move to Chile with Mr. Cubbie, what would my visa status be if I didn’t get the job? Would I be a tourist? … really?? I’d have to leave the country every 3 months! The thought alone was a nightmare. What if one of us got injured while we were living abroad? The other wouldn’t have legal power of attorney over the injured loved one! (remember those legal reasons for which people actually marry?) They wouldn’t be able to see them, decide medical/legal issues… and probably worse things I don’t even know about! It’s really only for this reason that we told our parents we were “engaged” before it was legit – for legal counseling! (I know! so romantic, huh? :-( )None of our parents are attorneys, but c’mon, parents are always the best place to start for life advice!

My parents told us about power of attorney and all that scary “what if” stuff. At this point, we toyed with the idea of being legally married before we left the country, and then getting “weddinged” the following year. We both would love for the wedding ceremony to contain the entire process in one fell romantic swoop, but for the time being we kept the courthouse wedding as an option if I were not offered the job in Chile.

Hatch Green Chile, or our new home, Chile?

Back to the story! :) My birthday usually lands in spring break, and that year we had planned to go camping at the Gila National Forest for the break. Camping at Gila is pretty special to us. We both love rain, green, trees, mountains, … -- all of which southern New Mexico kind of lacks. I won’t lie, living in southern NM was hard. It has its saving graces, though – GREEN CHILES!! And Gila ;).

Gila National Forest

In August of 2007, a few months after I met Mr. Cubbie, we went camping together with a friend at Gila. It was spectacular! I was so thrilled to see rain and green after the dry and brown of southern NM. Before any of you think I’m really hatin’ on NM, don’t worry! It definitely grew on me ;) That’s another story, though!

Our camping trip was only a few days before the start of the semester, so this allowed Mr. Cubbie and I plenty of time to get to know each other better. He played his guitar (I especially loved “This Old Guitar” – his inspiration for learning to play!), and we admired the amazing view of the Milky Way. If you haven’t seen the Milky Way at night - only a few stars - you’re really missing a beautiful view! It’s magical!

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Our friend went to bed, and we pulled a blanket out into the middle of an opening in the forest to talk and look at the stars. We talked for hours, and then finally kissed! We’ve been inseparable since! I know it sounds cheesy – I don’t care! :) I love that we had our first kiss under a star-lit sky on a camping trip. :) Nothing could be more perfect.

Back to early March, 2008 – due to the significance Gila holds for us, I thought for sure Mr. Cubbie would propose on this camping trip! Then again, I realized that was only a few weeks after we’d had “the talk” – I didn’t think getting a ring could happen that fast. So I figured he would pop the question either while camping, or when we went to Thailand. Neither’s pretty bad, eh?

Mr. Cubbie must have known I thought he'd propose at Gila. We were planning on going camping there up until the LAST. FREAKIN. MINUTE. Literally! We got up early to leave the day of. We had our backpacks in the car. We got our little coffee & muffins from the local coffee roasters. Mr. Cubbie was all like “let me drive, you look sleepy!” At 5:30 am, you don’t say no to such kindness :) . We got on the freeway. Then he started driving north. Gila is west.

We’re driving to Albuquerque?? What?? (source)

“Surprise!! Happy Birthday!”

“Say WHA?? Wha’ Happan??”

“We’re flying to Boulder, CO to camp with friends for spring break!”

He got me! He knew I had been expecting the proposal to be at Gila! Little stinker diverted one surprise for another ;). Can’t really blame him, though – it was awesome to spend time with friends in Boulder!!

But wait - flying to Boulder? He trickst me up to the last minute – we drove 3 hours to another airport, so I’d still think we were “driving to go camping.” I love him so much! He knows me so well! :)

So, no formal engagement for us just yet, but the friends we stayed with in Boulder were just 3 months shy of their own wedding! It was really awesome to be able to spend time with them before their wedding day craziness. They are both such wonderful people! Their wedding was amazingly gorgeous, to boot!

I promi I’ll get to the good stuff pronto! :) For now, I’ll leave you with some wedding porn from their Fourth-of-July nuptials in Boulder.

A beautiful wedding, for our friends' beautiful relationship!

source: Steve-Z Photography

Be sure to check our her engagement ring! Her husband mined the aquamarine out of the Colorado mountains with just a pick! How rockin' is that???

Is there some place that carries special significance to you and your loved one? How did you get through the pre-engagement psychosis?

The Engagement-moon - Part 1

Yep, that's right - we got engaged on what most people would consider an extravagant honeymoon in Thailand! Now before you think I'm made of money (which I'm not - remember I was in grad school!!)), I have to tell you a little bit about a profession called: astronomy. No, not astroLOGY, ASTRONOMY. Don't worry if you thought they were one in the same - about 75% of the random people I meet think they are! Alas, Miss Cleo I am not (duh! I'm Miss Bear Cub ;) ).

The Milky Way Galaxy, our home!

Anyways, astronomy is a rather small professional community. Add to the fact that there are as many sub-fields in astronomy as there are stars in the sky (hah!), and you find that your "coworkers" live on the other side of the world. Mr. Cubbie and I met in grad school for astronomy, and each of our research fields are completely alien to the other (heehee ;) ).

Every astronomer "works" with their colleagues by phone, email, and the occasional conference. The smaller the sub-field of research, the smaller the group of people researching that aspect of astronomy, and thus - the more remote the conference!!! Hence, THAILAND. And Vietnam too, but we'll get there.

Last year in May was the annual conference on interacting binary stars in Phuket, Thailand. Classes were out, and Mr. Bear Cub had a free plane ticket and lodging for the week of the conference! Basically we paid for one trans-pacific flight, which we found on the cheap-cheap from www.sidestep.com. Two for the price of one! BOO-YAH!!! The flight was by far the most expensive part of the trip. See? Told you I haven't been getting rich off of infomercials (Miss Cleo'd probably sue me anyways, right after she springs back from her own suit!).

We had our plans to go to Thailand all finalized before we even talked about getting married. It was awesome - a few days in Bangkok, a week in Phuket, scuba diving the Similans in Khao Lak, a few days in Hanoi, then a wonderful get-away to the remote town of Sapa at an eco-retreat. This was about February, 2008. Mr. Bear Cub was almost done with his thesis, and was hearing back from potential post-doc employers.

We knew it was highly likely he would get the job he'd wanted in Chile at NOAO, but I hadn't foreseen the extra conversations to come when he was offered the job! Of course I wanted to move to Chile too! I was almost done with my masters, and immediately applied for a job at the neighboring observatory there. Then it struck us. We'd been living together for over a year, and were now moving to another continent together. Was it so obvious that neither of us saw it before? I think we always knew we'd get married. We were already living the married life, very happily. Earlier that year, prompted by another engagement in the family, we discussed getting married. Not so much marriage, as that was really a given at this point. Rather - when we get engaged, when we start planning, that means the wedding is imminent. Neither of us liked the idea of "being engaged" as a symbol of future promise. We understand that for some people this works better (maybe time constrains prove to lengthen an engagement! We're definitely testament to that!) - we wanted the engagement to really start the ball rolling on legal documents.

So here we are, in February. Mr. Cubbie has a job in Chile. We're moving from New Mexico to South America together. I'm applying for a job in Chile. We've talked about getting married. We decide we should get married. There's just one thing missing from there - when does deciding to get married turn into an engagement?

Unfortunately I'm awful to surprise, but I LOVE surprises. Both of us really wanted an "engagement" moment. So we knew we were getting married (or "were engaged" technically), but he was going to ask me formally with a ring and all that jazz sometime soon. Have you ever noticed how talking about spending the rest of your life with the one you love feels like your mind is full of champagne-y fizzy bubbles? It's wonderful. :)

February: the "wait" begins. My birthday is in March, and I was certain I knew how he was going to ask me to marry him...

Did any life changes prompt you and your honey to see what was already so obvious? What was the biggest motivator in your relationship for "the talk"?

la france sait tout!

I've been a little (very) hesitant to include actual red poppies in my bouquet, on the tables, etc. Why? Poppies are so fragile! I've been worrying they'll fall apart. But just look at how adorable this french bride is with her red poppies!

C'est si français!!

It's perfect french countryside! What a wonderful way to start your wedding day - picking wildflowers :)

So beautiful! So genuine!

The bride and groom really look so blissful! And why not? They're French! :) Don't you think she has an air of Juliette Binoche in this picture?

The one thing I can't tell is how well her flowers held up over the day. Don't get me wrong - I don't expect my bouquet to be pristine by the end of the night - I'd just prefer for it to hold some of its shape, you know? Not too much to ask for?

So what do you think? Should I go for my inspiration? Should I include real poppies in my bouquet? What's your experience with using wildflowers as wedding flowers?

Oh dear...

When grad students get married, the whole "planning process" is taken to a new level:

I wonder what she coded that in?

PHDComics saw me through many a bored/stressed afternoon at the office in grad school. I hope Jorge Cham continues this story arc for a while! There's so much to deal with planning a wedding, not to mention planning a wedding in grad school. It's not so awful for science majors - they (and I) typically get a stipend just above the poverty line. It's an interesting fine line between crappy food and unwillingness (call it laziness?) to get a job in addition to school. Humanities majors, on the other hand, (from what I know) don't get a stipend. I can't imagine going into major debt for school and even more debt for a wedding all at the same time!! I consider myself very lucky to have gotten a sweet job just as we started planning our own wedding.

I love how PHDComics is so droll with the grad school experience - I'm beginning to see similarities with the WIC (Wedding Industrial Complex) experience! Plus, leave it to a grad student to inject their research into the wed-planning process ;) à la Tajel's MOH.

If you're planning your wedding while you (and maybe your fiancé also!) are in grad school, what are some ways you've found to cope with the stress of the two at once?? As with PHDComics, have you found ways to make light of the situation? (even if at times sardonic - believe me, I understand! ;) )

PS- Click the Emergency Button at PHDComics!! GENIUS!!!

You need to know about this NOW!

You might say I had some pretty severe internal conflict when it came to defining our wedding "colors" or "palette". I didn't want anything too defined! You can't hold me back from pairing green and red and purple! and brown! .... and cream! You could say I'd have benefited from some good idea refining.

Everyone and their momzilla needs to go here right now:

Hey! Not so bad, eh?

Maybe I'm not the most "with-it" fiancéed when it comes to the wedding color palette (because the ring on the fingy must mean I have an honorary arts degree - what? you don't?). Even if you're much more color-confident than myself, I recommend a gander at this crazy flickr widget thing!

I picked colors for my automatic palette generator from inspirational photos like these -

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Did your wedding colors come together naturally? ...easily? What's been your secret weapon for channeling color inspiration into a concrete palette? (have you slipped by without a color palette? lucky! ;) )

Crossword love!

A little while ago Emily at oncewed posted the cutest crowd-entertainer for a wedding, a huge love-themed wordsearch!

The lovely bride and groom, as seen by Carl Zoch

This seems like such a wonderful way to include your guests in some ice-breaker activities. It reminded me of a scene from Dan in Real Life where the family is gathered together at their summer home. The new girlfriend (or fiancée? ;) ) is getting to know the family throughout the week, and lucky her - they love family activities! In the scene I'm referring to, someone brings home two copies of the newspaper, specifically for the crossword game! They fraction into guys vs girls, and it grows into the most adorably supportive family competition I've ever seen! I'd love to include a crossword competition into the wedding day, or maybe the day before - it's such a wonderful way to get to know new people. Plus it's a great way to share with our families a hobby (or vice? ;) ) Mr. Cubbie and I share daily!

Games can be a great way to create a joyous family atmosphere at a wedding! How are you planning to get new (and old! :) ) family member acquainted at your wedding?

Adorable Distractions!

Mr. Rye Bread and I have been engaged for over 8 months, now! It's hard to believe time has flown by so fast! In that time, we have finished grad school, opened a joint bank account (how lucky is it that WAMU didn't tank completely??), moved to Chile, started new jobs, got a cute puppy, got a cute kitty, started taking spanish lessons together, and absentee-voted! (DEFINITELY made sure to do that one!) Anything missing there? Yipes! Planning a wedding! :)

Before we get started, I have to include some

gratuitous furr-baby photos. Plus two makes us a family, now! Meet Beauregard! He's adorable. He's also known as Beau-bunny, Beau-tard, Mr. Beau-jangles... You get the idea. Pretty cute, eh? Yes, I have adorned his collar with floral goods! ;) Apparently, "teething" means "loves to eat hydrangea plants". I planted 6 hydrangea plants in our garden - slowly but surely, he dug all of them out! I planted more, and put up

a little barrier. When I got home, he had dug up 3, and one was in his mouth! So the little jer

k got to be a pretty little girl-pup for th

e rest of the day. Guilt is so much cuter on a puppy face. He's getting doggy training from a (probably the only) dog trainer now, though! Beau's a good obedient dog, he just has to grow out of the puppy bratty phase.

Then there's our kitty Georgina! (Very regal names, eh?) We bought Beau (who we're told is a golden retriever) from Coquimbo, and then a month later, our friend Matt found a baby kitten in a box near his house! Most cats and dogs in Chile live on the street - there are literally packs of domesticated/wild dogs roaming the streets!

Needless to say, these kiddos won the lottery when they were hand-selected by us! ;) Gina's very sweet, and loves to sit on everyone's lap!

She's definitely a lap-cat. Mr. Rye Bread thinks she should dance. And also thinks she's very, very tasty. What good are kitties if you can't squeeze them?

As you can see, we've had some pretty serious wedding planning distractions. We do have some things taken care of, though! We have a date! And a location! I'll leave the location results for a complete post - but the date is Sept 21, 2009! And... that's a Monday. We'll be getting to that in a bit, too. Having the wedding in September means we have 8 months left to plan. Moreover, I'm only going back to the states once before September - and that will be in Hawaii, in March, for work. Mr. Rye doesn't have any trips back to the states before the wedding at all. Let me clarify something from the get-go: planning a wedding is hard.. planning a DIY wedding is harder... planning a DIY wedding from South America is.. mind boggling. There's no paper store here! The only flowers they have (to practice making arrangements) are carnations, roses, sunflowers, and daisies. What's the name of my blog? Definitely not http://carnationsrosessunflowersanddaisies.blogspot.com. I tried growing hydrangea, but we both know how that turned out, now. There's more, but I haven't quite discovered it all quite yet.

Mr. Rye and I have decided to pace ourselves with the wedding planning - how much can you really tackle all at once, anyways? Thursday night is designated wedding planning night. We sit down, discuss one specific topic only, and move on! Thus far, we've had WPN (wedding planning night!) twice - I think it's working well! The first topic of discussion: write down a list of questions for the wedding coordinator/events coordinator at our location. They take care of food and lodging at the same place, so our list was quite long. It ranged from "can we have candles outside?" to "how many tables are there, and what are their dimensions?" (remember, we won't see the place again for 8 months!) to "do you guys have Parcheesi?!?!?"

The next night's agenda: How many days to take off work! Very exciting, I know, but when you need a full day each way to travel, you have 21 days in the year off (some of which you want to use to travel around South America during the year! Conference in Rio, yee-ya!), and you have to take into account time in Portland before the wedding for last-minute planning and after the wedding for the honeymoon, this conversation becomes really important.

How are you and your FI pacing yourselves in the marital-athon? Were there some things you wish you had planned sooner/later?